What would you do if your best friend (or sister, aunt, daughter) told you she had breast cancer? Would you know how to support her — or even what to say?

 One in eight women in the United States will be diagnosed with breast cancer in her lifetime, according to the National Breast Cancer Foundation. Early detection and better treatments have increased survival rates — there are more than 4 million breast cancer survivors in this country — but the disease is expected to kill more than 42,000 women in 2024. 

Reach out, but don’t expect a reply

Do send a text, email or voicemail with a disclaimer such as “You don’t have to respond; I just want you to know I’m here when you need me” or “I love you – that’s the message."

Reach out in such a way that doesn’t demand or require a response. Don’t get upset if the person never responds or responds many days, weeks or months later.

When you are initially diagnosed and being treated for cancer you do need to know people care about you, but it can stress you out if you feel pressure to respond to every message, letter or email while you navigate the complexities of treatment and your own emotions.

In other words, let them know you’re there — with no strings attached.

Food, glorious food

Thinking of sending a gift? Instead of giving blankets and candles – unless you know for sure the person needs them or loves them — try a gift card for a food delivery service.

Many of us receive so many blankets and candles that we have to donate some of them, which in turn makes us feel guilty for giving something away from a friend or colleague, even if it is to help other people.

Good nutrition is such an important part of healing, but during treatments cooking can seem like a chore you simply don’t have the energy to do.

During chemotherapy, sense of smell can be heightened, which means strong odors like chopping onions or garlic (which usually makes a meal delicious) can set off nausea or just be really unpleasant. Food delivery can be really wonderful and helpful.

Dial the sympathy down just a bit

Do treat your friend or family member with care but not pity.

It is deeply reassuring when you are not being treated like you are made of glass or like you are going to die. It’s lovely to be able to laugh or tease each other or talk about regular life stuff without always having to think about cancer.

Sometimes the job is just to be the distraction. Sometimes just sending funny memes or giving updates on other aspects of life allowed them to just enjoy some normalcy. 

Got that? Save your puppy-dog eyes for something else.

Use caution when sharing your experience

Do share wisdom; don’t share horror stories.

If you know someone who has experienced the same type of cancer, do share any tips that helped them get through it. 

In most cases, it’s probably best to keep the anecdotal everything-went-wrong stories to yourself.

Be a friend matchmaker

Do make connections between cancer survivors.

If someone you know has experienced cancer and they are willing to share their experience with someone who is newly diagnosed, it can relieve so much anxiety.

Learning from women who have been through the same treatment is a game changer — especially when it comes to surgery.

Limit the inquisition

As you are there for your loved one going through their cancer treatment, avoid asking a ton of questions about their procedures. Let them tell you. It’s our job to love them where they are mentally or physically, and the answering of all the inquiries can be fatiguing.

We hope these tips help you support a loved one going through breast cancer or any other life-altering diagnosis.